Fic: All I Want Is Everything, Harry Potter, James/Lily

Title: All I Want Is Everything
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairing: James/Lily
Rating: PG
Recipient: for patchfire, who asked for James/Lily, no heavy angst, and a happy ending. :)
Notes: I tried writing three different fics as patchfire's gift, before coming back to this one which is where it all started. It's been a long and strange journey, but I hope the result is something that will be fun for her. I have never written James or Lily or anything in the Marauder's Era before, and hopefully I have not committed any grave sins with this. Many thanks to marginalia for her help and guidance, and for keeping my head from falling off. Title borrowed from Jellyfish.


All I Want Is Everything

The first thing James noticed was that he was awake, which, considering the intense pain engulfing his head, he most certainly did not want to be. The second thing he noticed was the fact that his tongue seemed to be plastered to the roof of his mouth.

"Padfoot," he grumbled, wincing at both the effort it took and the unbelievable volume of his own voice. He pushed himself up slowly until he was sitting mostly upright, and reached up to scratch his head. That's when he noticed the third thing. "Padfoot!" he cried again, panic rising. There was no answer. He brought his hand up to his head again.

Suddenly James was wide awake. He shot up, wobbling a bit, and made directly for the seventh-year lavatory, tripping over beds, trunks, discarded shoes and his own feet on the way. When he reached his destination, the lavatory mirror shrieked.

"Oi, Peter, did you get hexed in the girls' dormitory again?" Sirius' voice came from around the corner, followed by Sirius himself. "Bloody hell, Prongs." He stopped cold.

"What's happened to me?" James asked, staring at his image in the mirror. The mirror shrieked again.

"You're bald as a baby's bum!" Sirius said, his voice shaking with laughter. "You look like the Fat Friar!" He was laughing so hard he fell into the wall. "I knew I shouldn't have left so early!" He seemed to be having trouble breathing. "What," he wheezed, "happened?"

"I don't remember," James said, shaking his head. "I don't remember," he repeated, his voice becoming more frantic. "I don't re-" Then he remembered.

He ran back into the dormitory, and began shuffling through his trunk. "I need parchment," James shouted to Sirius, who was still in the lavatory.

"What?" Sirius shouted back.

"Parchment!" James shouted, louder.

Sirius' head peered around the corner, his face half-shaven. "There's a bit on my nightstand--you can have that," he said. "Damn, you're unpleasant when you're bald." He disappeared into the lavatory again.

James ran to Sirus' nightstand and grabbed the bit of parchment and quill he found there. Evans, we have to talk, he scrawled, and folded it up, running then back to the lavatory. He held it out to Sirius. "Give this to Evans," he said. "She'll be at breakfast, I'm sure of it."

"I'm not even dressed," Sirius said.

"Well hurry then, will you?" James said, too loudly for the room.

Sirius lifted an eyebrow. "Take it yourself if you're in such a rush," he said, examining his teeth in the mirror.

"Time for a cleaning," the mirror said.

James fought the urge to stomp his foot like a child, and took a deep breath. "Sirius, please," he said. "You know I can't go down there like this."

"All right," Sirius said. "But it'll cost you. I'm thinking--"

"Fine, anything, it doesn't matter," James said. "Just hurry, will you?" He knew he was ridiculous, but he couldn't help it. "And take your mirror to tell me when she's got it."

James paced while Sirius dressed.

"You know, it's not a bad look for you, actually." Sirius looked thoughtful. "Gives you a bit of the Slughorn charm," he said, dodging the shoe that flew at his head. "That's wonderful gratitude you're showing there," he yelled as he rushed out the door.

James rescued his two-way mirror from the mess he'd left of his trunk, and flopped down on his bed. He was immediately reminded that his head still ached and he hadn't had nearly enough sleep to make up for the last night's drinks. "Remember to ask around for a hangover potion," he mumbled to himself as he drifted into hazy sleep.

"James!"

James heard his name, but was confused about the source.

"James!" it came again. "Hang on, Moony, I'll be there in a moment!"

James finally remembered the mirror, which was sitting on his chest. He grabbed it up and brought it to his face.

"Finally, prat," Sirius said.

"Did you give it to her?" James asked.

"Yes, she's got it," Sirius said.

"What did she say?" James asked, hopefully.

"Nothing, mate," Sirius said. "Didn't even crack a smile. If you ask me, the girl's a bit angry with you."

"Bugger!"

"Language, Prongs," Sirius said, clucking lightly. He turned his head toward something behind him and then back again. "Gotta run," he said. "Good luck with your nut."

The morning passed in agony. James paced and slept and paced again, the sounds of his classmates enjoying a beautiful spring day wafting through the window. It was afternoon before an owl finally appeared on the window seat, looking irritated. James took the message it carried and gave it a treat (receiving a bite in return), and opened it hastily.

I don't have to do anything of the sort. You can talk to yourself all you like.

L.E.

The owl bit him again.

"Bugger!" James said, handing over another treat. He grabbed a quill from Peter's trunk nearby and wrote on the bottom of the same parchment, Evans, don't be stubborn. Meet me in the common room at dinnertime. He handed the parchment over to the owl, pulling his hand away quickly to avoid the inevitable bite. The owl ruffled slightly and then flew out the window.

The rest of the afternoon was interminable. James tried to sleep more, but he couldn't get comfortable. Reading was impossible, and the cheerful shouts from outside made him want to break things. Even wanking was out of the question, with the pain still pounding in his head. When he heard the voices of other seventh-year boys in the hall, he drew the bed curtains, buried himself under the covers and pretended to sleep. When they finally left for dinner, he waited five minutes, got dressed, threw a big, furry hat on his head, and snuck down to the common room, which was empty as he'd hoped. Then he waited.

*****

At six o'clock, he trudged back up to his bed, hungry and dejected. At six-thirty, the door creaked open. James didn't bother to hide under the covers.

"Still in bed, James?" It was Remus, who headed straight for his own trunk, not glancing at James as he passed. "You missed dinner, you know. I think Sirius saved you something, but I wouldn't eat it if I were you," he said. "Just a warning."

"Remus, I've been an idiot and I need you to fix it," James said, still on his bed.

"You've always been an idiot," Remus said. "There's nothing to be done about that."

James sat up. "No, I mean, really an idiot."

"You've always been really an idiot and there's--" Remus finally looked over at him. "What on earth happened to your head?"

"Never mind that, Remus, listen," James said. "I got pissed at the Three Broomsticks and asked Lily Evans for a kiss."

Remus sighed. "You do that every time you get pissed," he said.

"She refused, of course," James said.

Remus nodded. "Of course."

"And then I kissed her anyway."

Remus' eyes got big. "Excuse me, what?"

"I told you I was an idiot," James said.

"What did she do?" Remus asked.

James just stared.

Remus bit back a smile. "Oh, right."

James hopped off his bed and walked over to Remus. "Please, Moony, you have to help me fix it," he said. "You can help me. She likes you."

Remus snorted. "There's a reason she likes me, and believe me, helping you would do nothing to reinforce that in her mind," he said. "I expect you'll have to crawl to Pomfrey if you want a fix for that, or else grow it back the natural way."

"Not the hair, Remus," James said, frustrated. "Evans. I need you to help me fix things with her."

Remus smiled a little, but shook his head. "I don't think there's a fix for that either," he said.

"Moony, please," James begged.

"No," Remus said.

"Why not?" James asked.

"I told you," Remus said.

"No, really why not?" James said, and then he had an awful thought. "Christ, Remus." It was an effort to make his mouth form the words. "You like her."

Remus wrinkled his forehead. "Of course I--" he began, and then turned pale. "Not like that," he said. "Don't be stupid."

James felt his stomach drop into his feet. "You do," he said.

"Don't be an idiot," Remus said, looking actually angry. "More of an idiot. As if that were possible." He turned back to his trunk.

James was confused, but too desperate to ponder over it. "Then help me," he said, pulling Remus around to face him. "Just get her to talk to me, that's all."

"All right, fine," Remus said, shaking off James' hands and moving away from him. "I'll try." He headed to the door. "I've got to meet Sirius," he said, and left, closing the door behind him.

*****

"Sirius, hurry," James said, more loudly than he'd intended. "We'll be late."

"It's almost done, you idiot," Sirius spat. "There." He finally put down his wand. "That should do it."

"I have to get there before she does!" James shouted, rushing for his books and then out the dormitory door with Sirius following leisurely behind him. James hurried through the staircases and hallways of Hogwarts, arriving just in time to appear to be lounging carelessly in the doorway of the Transfiguration classroom when Lily Evans arrived with her friends. Sirius stood watching from the hall.

"Good morning, Evans," James said, smiling brightly, as though he hadn't been up since four casting spells at his head.

Lily stared, unsmiling. "How did you--" she started.

"You're not the only one who pays attention in Charms," James said. "Quite good don't you think?" He turned around, showing off the morning's handiwork. "Can't even tell unless you try to touch it," he said. "And look," he ran his hand across the top of it, making the illusion turn messier. He grinned. "Sirius helped with that part."

Sirius rolled his eyes.

Lily's jaw was tight. "You made it too long in front," she said, walking past him, into the classroom.

James followed after her. "That's it?" he said. "That's all you have to say to me?"

Lily whirled around, her face crimson. "I should have known you couldn't bear to go a day without your precious hair," she said. "You really are an utter coxcomb, James Potter." She continued to a desk at the front of the room.

"Please," James said, following her still. "I want to talk to you."

"Go show off for your fan club, Potter," she said. "I'm sure they'll be impressed." She sat down.

McGonagall's voice came from behind, "Mr. Potter!" James turned to face her. "Please find your seat," she said, eyeing his head warily.

James trudged over to where Sirius waved to him from the back of the room and sat in the empty seat in front of him. He turned to Remus who was sitting at the next desk. "I need your help."

"Tomorrow," Remus said. "We have Potions together. I'll talk to her then."

"Tomorrow then," James said, turning his attention to the front of the class.

*****

The rest of the day passed in a blur, and the next morning more like molasses. James paced in the common room, waiting for Remus to return from Potions. Just as he was about to begin transfiguring the furniture, Sirius burst through the door.

"Where's Remus?" James asked, attempting to sound casual.

"Library. Sent me to be the bearer of bad news," Sirius said as he hopped on to the back of the nearby sofa, resting his feet on the seat. He raised his eyebrow. "Seems to think you might be prone to a bit of temper."

James' heart sank. "That bad, is it?"

"Fairly," Sirius said.

"On with it, then," James said, bracing himself.

Sirius smiled wickedly. "Do you really want to know?"

"Sod it, Padfoot, you're killing me," James said, running his hand through imaginary hair.

"All right then, " Sirius said. "She says she'll talk to you after you've spent a week without your hair."

James laughed. "That's easy enough. I've spent two days without it already," he said. "Moony seriously needs to grow a pair."

Sirius shook his head. "No, really without it," he said. "No magic. Nothing. Not even a hat."

James sat dumb for a moment. Then he gritted his teeth. "Fine," he said. "Fine, I will." He stood up, running his hand over his head again. "If that's what it takes."

Sirius scratched his head. "You're really going to do it?" he asked. "I didn't think you would."

"What, you're on her side now?" James said. "Think I'm vain as a peacock?"

"Just about," Sirius said, with a wink. Then his face turned thoughtful. "You're really serious," he said. "About Evans."

James nodded. "I'm really serious."

Sirius looked at him for a long time, and then nodded. "Well, duty calls," he said, hopping down off the sofa. "Coming?"

James blinked. "Where to?"

"The library, of course," Sirius said, eyes sparkling. "Without me to stop him, Moony might actually get some work done. Can't have that."

"'Course not," James said, grinning. "Let's go then."

"Forgetting something?" Sirius asked, and gestured to James' head.

"Right," James said, reaching for his wand. "Finite Incantatem."

****

After that, James strode proudly through school, bald head held high. The first day was the worst. Even the teachers had difficulty holding in their laughter, and Sirius insisted on drawing impressions of Flitwick on the back of his head during Charms. After a couple of days, people had mostly lost interest, though Severus Snape never stopped looking pleased.

The third day found James, Sirius, Remus and Peter relaxing on the lawn before dinner. Sirius was teasing Peter with a nose-biting teacup he'd enchanted to sniff out and chase rats, which had Peter running all over the lawn with his hand over his nose. Remus and James sat under their favorite beech tree, Remus with a book as always. James watched Lily (as always), who was sitting by the lake with a group of other girls.

"Have you thought about what you're going to say to her?" Remus asked, out of the blue.

"Not really," James said. "But I'm pretty good on my feet, aren't I?"

"I don't think--" Remus looked uncomfortable, but he continued on, "That might not be good enough this time, James."

"What do you mean?" James said. "I like her." He grinned. "Just have to convince her that she likes me."

"Why do you?" Remus asked, biting his lip. "She's smart and beautiful, we all know that, but what makes her special?" he asked. "Why her, and not the other smart, beautiful girls in school?"

"I can't--" James frowned. "You can't expect me to explain that."

"She will," Remus said.

"Look, I did what she asked--" James started, feeling defensive.

Remus interrupted. "She doesn't want to know what you think is great about you, James," he said. "She wants to know what you think is great about her. Why you want her, more than anyone else."

"How do you know what she wants?" James asked.

Remus smiled quizzically. "It's what everyone wants," he said.

"Moony!" Sirius shouted, panting as he ran back to the tree. "Let's get going in to dinner. Wormtail's going to be at it a while." He grinned. "Prongs can play nanny while he watches his girl."

"In a moment, Sirius," Remus said, and then more quietly, "Just think about it, James."

Sirius nudged Remus with his foot. "Come, Moony, you know I can't face Yorkshire Pudding without you," he said, walking backward toward the castle, while beckoning Remus toward him.

Remus smiled to himself in a way James hadn't ever noticed before. "Yes, I'm coming!" he said, closing his book and getting to his feet.

"Remus," James pleaded. "Will you help me?"

"It's all up to you James," Remus said. "Think about what I asked you." His eyes wandered after Sirius, who was halfway to the castle. "When you come up with the answer, that's what you tell her." He turned back to James. "It's as simple as that." He shrugged and ran after Sirius.

After that, James' mood slid rapidly downhill. He tried not to spend the rest of the week staring at Lily, though he mostly failed. She seemed never to be looking at him, and as the week wore on, he began to despair of anything good coming out of their promised talk. He tried to tell himself that Remus knew nothing, but every instinct told him that was not true at all.

By the last day, James was simply dreading the conversation as the probable end to all his hopes, so when Sirius, Remus and Peter headed down to dinner that evening, he elected to stay behind. He curled himself up on a sofa in the corner of the common room that was partly obscured by thick, red curtains. He stared into the fire, lost in thought, as his classmates cleared out in small groups, all heading down to the Great Hall.

When someone actually spoke his name, he nearly jumped from the sofa in surprise. Even more surprising, and not just a bit dismaying, was the sight of Lily Evans standing several feet away from him.

"I didn't think you'd do it," she said, arms crossed over her chest.

James snorted. "You and Sirius both," he said. "I must be the greatest arse in Britain."

She relaxed her arms and walked over to him. "Well, there's always Bertha Jorkins," she said.

"Ah well, that's a relief," James said, trying to smile.

Lily sat in the chair across from him. "You wanted to talk to me?" she said. "I'm here."

James rubbed his head nervously. "Please, I want--" he started, and then started over. "First I need to apologize," he said, "for kissing you at the Three Broomsticks. I'm the worst kind of git, I know it, and it's only--" His heart was pounding, and he felt the blood rushing to his face. "It's just I think about you all the time," he said. "That's no excuse, I know, and I'm not trying to get off the hook. But. You're the most--" He stopped for breath, and thought about Remus' question. "You're everything I've ever wished for. Everything I wish I could be myself," he said, his voice cracking. He shook his head. "Bloody hell, I sound like a fourth year, but since this may well be the last time you ever agree to talk to me--"

"I'm listening," she said. Her eyes were serious.

"I know you don't owe me anything, and I'm mad to even ask, but please--" he said. "If you could--" He wasn't sure how to find the words, and he couldn't look at her anymore, so he looked at his shoes instead. He took a deep breath. "Just--teach me how to deserve you. I want to be the kind of man you could love," he said. "Even if you never do." He brought his eyes back to her. "Please."

She didn't say anything, but just sat there, looking at him with those serious green eyes.

"Lily?" he said.

And then she stood up from her chair and sat down beside him. Everything seemed to be happening in slow motion, and somehow then her hands were on his face, and she was kissing him softly, tentatively, and he was afraid to move in case it was all a dream. His arms moved on their own, it seemed, pulling her closer, and then his lips were deepening the kiss, and soon he forgot to care if it was a dream, or if he, himself, was real.

After what seemed like an hour, or maybe a lifetime, Lily finally pulled her face away from James', and sank back into the sofa, leaning her head against his shoulder. For a while, they were silent.

"I'm sorry about your hair," she said, finally.

"I doesn't matter," James said. "Anyway, the only person I want to impress is you." He smiled. "If you're daft enough to prefer me bald, so be it."

She laughed softly.

Suddenly James was aware of the time. "Should we go to dinner?" he asked, not quite enthusiastically. "I'm sure we've nearly missed it by now."

"Let's just sit here a while," she said, slipping her hand over his.

And they did.